A Comedy in two Acts
17.10.2006 13 °C
Setting: Cologne, 10/11/06, a Thriving west german city with lots of shopping and lots of students (ie lots of bars)
Cast of Characters:
Bret-a young, obnoxious South African, good looking and he knows it
Antonio-yound, balding Spaniard who has difficulty when ave amounts of beer are inbibed
Brian-our hero, smart, handsome traveler with a propensity for getting lost in new cities
Thom-german bartender with great knowledge of Cologne night life
Scene 1: The Hostel-Brian enters from stairs and walks to counter
Bret: Where are some clubs where i can meet some girls?
Hostel Worker: Well, you can take the A to the station, cross the river and walk up dykdlv gfhlbf and ougflf (conversation continues in series of uniteligible german names)
Bret: Forget it i'm just gonna get lost.
Brian: Yea thats usually my plan, I'm Brian.
Bret: I'm Bret,you got any ideas for tonight?
Brian: Walk around, find a bar, drink some german beer.
Bret: Nice, mind if me and Antonio come along? we're hoping to find some german [girls].
Brian: Sure, lets go. I just need to get some water before we go.
Bret: Yea, maybe i should get a beer for the road, Antonio lets get one.
Characters exit hostel and walk towards shopping district hoping to find some excitement
Scene 2: The Streets of Cologne
Bret(to girls passing on the street): Sprekken zee English?
Bret: Yea right, (expletive censored-I am writing this is Eastern Europe :-)
Antonio: Yea (censored) you! (as he finishes his first beer)
Brian: um...maybe we should ask someone else.
Scene 3: A dark bar.
after learning the student district is a few tram stops away, our gang boards the tram and heads downtown,where they eventually find an almost empty bar that was recomended
Brian: What beer do you have on tap?
Thom: Jever is good. A pilsner.
Bret: 3 of them. And where can we find girls? (ignoring the fact that 3 girls are at a table in the corner)
Thom: Well, the Rose Club is a good place, just take a right, a right, a left, and a right, but it won't get busy till 12. There's another club called (the author and friends immiedatly forget the name as they try to sort out right from left) But thats mainly for younger people.
Brian: (checking watch) Well that gives us some time to hang out here. How do you say cheers in German?
Thom: I better right this down for you guys...
Scene 4: same bar
1 hour elapses, new beer is sampled, a type of hefeweizen, Brian is in love with this beer, antonio has different opinion.
Antonio: In Spain we don't drink beer like this?
Brian: How so?
Antonio: No, we have tapas with beer, a little snack, and we usually only have one or two beers, and they are smaller than this (holds up half liter glass)
Brian: Well you know you don't have to keep up with us if you don't want to.
Antonio: eh its not so bad (grimaces as he finishes his 3rd beer of the evening)
Scene 5: Streets of Cologne
After settling the tab our heros find themselves at a cross-roads.
Brian: he said right right left right
Antonio: Yes, right right.
Bret: But the first right was out of the bar
Antonio: Yes, right.
Brian: i don't think so bu well go your way.
(walk brets way 20 yards and there on right is the rose club)
Bret: told ya so
Brian: i really have no idea where i am. Well the Rose clun looks kinda dead, what about that other place across the street, it looks packed.
Woman on street: Hey guys you should come in, they have 1 euro beers and 1 euro tequilla shots. 6 euro cover.
Brian: What kind of beer?
Woman: Yarick, its good.
Brian: Sounds good to me lets go.
Bret: Are you sure?
Brian: 1 euro beer, 6 euro cover, we just have to drink three beers for it to equal out, and we have plenty of time to do that
Bret: Ok, lets do it!
Scene 6: Inside the bar.
Brian: Three beers please.
Bret: Buy me two.
Brian make that 4.
Bartender returns with 4 glasses that hold about the same amount as a sippy cup.
Brian: (Knowing his calculation is totally foiled) Hm.
Bret: they have foosbal, lets play.
After the American soundly beats the South African and with their plan for attracting women through displays of foosball athleticism having failed, the group takes a moment to look around the bar. What they see is rather dissapointing
Brian: How old do you have to be to drink in germany?
Bret: 16, 17?
Brian: Well we just found out where they all hang out...we need to get out of here.
Antonio: yea, i can't drink anymore beer. (stumbles into table)
Bret: lets go.
They cross the street to the Rose Club. Antonio is visibly drunk
Bouncer: You guys can go in. Watch the beer Spanish.
Bret orders another round.
Brian: Let's go check out the dance floor.
Bret: It looks good, lots of chicks!
The guys enter the fray, looking for cute german girls, find them, but after an hour of trying to dance with them, all guys strike out multiple times.
Brian: You wanna get outta here?
Bret: Yea this place is lame. (continued by long rant on why german girls are lame, german guys can't dance and how hes surprised the country has the ability to populat itself. This continues in various forms of language, with some insults in dutch to passing german girls, until the trio arrives back at the hostel, usually with antonio walking about 20 yards behind. Or trio calls it a night after very little luck with girls in germany.)
Act Two: Wurzburg, Southern Germany
Alex: Cute, short-haired german girl brian met in Galway
Her Friend: Who's name started with a C, but has since left the Author's brain. (corina?)
Brian: Our hero makes another appearence
Scene 1: Alex's house, the new trio has a few drinks and checks the time.
C: its 11:30, we should probably get goin
Brian: I hope, i can stay up with you guys, i'm kinda used to going to bed at 12.
Alex: [german word for wimp]
Scene 2: The club
Strains of rock/dance music flows over a surging crowd of young people (18 and over thankfully, and most are older university students) Shots are ordered, and Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag" begins to thump through the crowd, followed by Green Day, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Blink-182. Brian dances, hilarity ensues, and a good time is had by all.
(Sorry i got lazy and internet costs 1 crown per minute here in czech republic)